


Because She's Felicity Smoak

by CJ_fics



Series: MTV Ship of the Year Marathon Fics [12]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Convergence, F/M, Post 3x11 speculation fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 12:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4391105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJ_fics/pseuds/CJ_fics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felicity walked away from Oliver after finding out that he was about to work with Malcolm Merlyn. But because she's Felicity Smoak, walking away is easier to say than do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she couldn’t stay away. Not really.

As she walked away from the foundry on the night that Oliver arrived back in Starling City – on the night that she found out that death was never going to have permanent hold on Oliver Queen – she told herself that she was done. Done with fighting with Oliver and the rest of the team. Done with fighting for Oliver and his soul. Done with the roller coaster that was loving Oliver Queen was – the extreme happiness, relief and joy that always change too abruptly into utter despair, hopelessness and desperation. Done with watching a man she loved and believed in compromise himself by getting into bed with the devil. Done with never being the one the man she loved chose. Done with believing in a hero who would rather partner with a treacherous villain than find another way to defeat their enemies. Done with believing in someone who didn’t believe in themselves. Done with loving Oliver Queen. Done with believing that being a woman Oliver Queen loved meant something.

But she’s Felicity Smoak, and she believes that fighting for her home, fighting for the ones she loves, is a mission worth her life and all her effort. So, she throws herself into Ray Palmer’s mission, spending countless days and nights, using every resource at her disposal, to make sure that his A.T.O.M. suit works. She also knows that the whole business with the League is not over, and that the city will need that suit, if it was going to survive the League’s siege. They have gotten it to a point where The Atom has been patrolling the streets, stopping crime in the areas that Team Arrow was unable to cover.

She knows that, since she’s Felicity Smoak, and she will never be the kind of person who can don a suit (or a leather uniform) and wield weapons, she accepts that her part will always be behind the scenes, in front of her computers. Sometimes she regrets the kind of person she is, her limitations and her lack of physical strength, and envies those that do have the things she lacks. But then she reminds herself that, at least, she’s not a liability in the field, and what she can do, no one else in the team can.

Hero support, she tells herself a little bit bitterly. It’s a nicer way of saying ‘side-kick’.

“Hey,” John Diggle’s voice interrupts her musings.

“Digg,” she greets, standing up from behind her desk upon seeing him in the entrance of Palmer Industries office. She steps towards him with a small smile, reaching a hand out to touch his forearm, “It’s good to see you.”

Digg smiles back at her and squeezes her hand, “How are you doing?”

Felicity shrugs, “The usual. But you’re not here for a social call.”

“No, not entirely” he responds, shaking his head, “He’s back. Permanently. Said his training with Merlyn was complete.”

She nods, and turns away. Oliver had started training with Malcolm Merlyn the day after he came back to Starling City. Sometimes, they would go off somewhere outside the city to spend uninterrupted hours training. She kept tabs on him via Digg and Roy as she worked with Ray to do live tests on the A.T.O.M. suit.

“He wants to meet with The Atom,” Digg says.

“I’m sure he’ll be up for that,” Felicity nods, “Tell me when and what time, and I’ll let The Atom know.”

“You know, he asked about you as soon as he came back,” Digg says tentatively.

When she doesn’t respond, he continues, “Felicity–”

“I’ll make sure that The Atom will patrol with the team tonight,” she says, “They can talk then.”

“And you?”

“I have nothing more to say to him,” Felicity states resolutely, “And there’s nothing he can do to convince me otherwise.”

“Felicity, I know, I understand, why you’re hurt,” Digg says gently, stepping closer to her so she has no choice but to meet his eyes, “I know why you’re disappointed. This thing with Merlyn is – I know why you would never want to support it. And I admire you for sticking to what’s right. I get it. I do.”

“But?” she urges, “There’s a 'but’ coming.”

Digg smiles fondly at her and continues with the same gentle tone, “But … We miss you in the foundry. I miss seeing your face every day. I wish some day you’ll come back.”

Felicity smiles at Digg and goes in for a hug, “I miss your face, too, John Diggle.”

“It’s not the same without you,” Digg says, squeezing her tightly.

When Digg lets her go, making her promise to have dinner at his place the next Saturday, she tells him, “Thanks for being strong enough to watch his back, John.”

Digg squeezes her shoulder and smiles before he leaves.


	2. Part 2

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she runs to alley before things escalate between Team Arrow and The Atom. The meeting is not going well, and when Digg sent an S.O.S. to help him stop a possible fist fight, she immediately steps outside the car she’s parked near the alley to help. Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she couldn’t stay away.

“Stop!” she shouts rushing to the middle of the fray.

The tableau in front of her would have made her laugh, if she didn’t know what Oliver Queen was capable of. Digg was in front of Arrow, his hands on the green-clad chest, stopping the archer from attacking The Atom, who was standing behind The Black Canary, who was blocking Arsenal from getting all up in The Atom’s face. There was growling all around.

Immediately, her gaze falls and stays on Oliver. She hasn’t seen him in weeks, ever since that night in another alley, when she walked away from him and the foundry. He begun his training with Malcolm Merlyn the day after, leaving Starling City for days at a time and coming back once a week to help the team protect the city. He had at least kept his promise to never abandon the his city again.

At the sight of her, Oliver unclenches and murmurs, “Felicity’ in an awed voice.

Felicity forces herself to ignore him by turning to address everyone else with her hands on her hips, "What’s going on here?”

“Oh, thank god, you’re here,” she could hear Digg murmur beside her. She could see Laurel nod her assent from the corner of her eye.

“Well, the green giant doesn’t want anyone else helping the city out,” Ray in his cheeky way of his, “He thinks he’s the only one who can protect this city.”

“Ugh,” she rolls her eyes, then addresses Oliver, “I thought you wanted to meet him, Arrow?”

“I wanted to meet the vigilante who’s been helping protect the city,” he responds, stepping closer to her. She steps away from him. He stops abruptly.

“Yeah? And why were you on the verge of a fist fight then?” she turns to Roy for an explanation.

“Because he was being an arrogant know-it-all,” Roy huffs, “Giving us a blow by blow account of how we could have taken down the Triad more efficiently.”

“But you could have been more efficient!” Ray argues, “If you would have–”

“Shut up, Ray!” Felicity glares at him, “Just. Shut up! You’re not helping!”

“Palmer?!?!” the distorted Arrow voice says in disbelief, “The Atom is Palmer?!?!”

“Wow, you’ve got a type, Blondie,” Roy murmurs.

Felicity turns to Ray sheepishly, “Sorry.”

“So, The Atom is Ray Palmer,” Oliver says, his voice still distorted – not that it hid the disbelief or the sadness in his voice

“Do you two know each other?” Ray asks, his eyes moving from Oliver to Felicity and back.

“You know I work with Team Arrow,” Felicity responds absently, her focus still on Oliver. She tears her eyes away from him and addresses the rest of the group, “Will you all be able to work together?”

“If he stops being so arrogant,” Laurel responds, pointing to Ray.

“I can’t help it, if I’m used to being the smartest guy in a crowd,” Ray protests.

Felicity glares at him once more, and he falls silent.

“Do you trust him?” Oliver speaks up. Once again, Felicity finds her attention on him, unable to look away.

She nods.

He clenches his jaw, and then pulls off his mask and the hood. He moves closer to Ray with his hand outstretched, “We can work together.”

“Queen?” Ray exclaims, absently reaching out to shake Oliver’s hand, “You’re the Arrow?!?”

Oliver looks down and murmurs in a low voice, “At least, you kept my identity secret.”

“I wouldn’t have revealed it!” Felicity says, affronted. Did he really think that she would betray him that way?

As he moves towards to the mouth of the alley, Felicity follows him, ignoring the rest of the group.

“Do you think I would divulge your identity to just anyone?” she asks, pulling on his arm for attention.

Without facing her, he says, “He’s not just anyone.”

Before she could say anything else, he continues, “I’m glad you found a hero you could believe in, Felicity. You deserve that.”

“It’s not like that, Oliver,” she says.

He swivels his head to face her, and smiles sadly, “It is exactly like that. Be well, Felicity.”

And with a final nod, he jumps on the nearest window ledge and fades into the darkness.


	3. Part 3

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she’s the first one that Roy calls when he couldn’t get in touch with Thea and Oliver. She had the skills and the capacity to track them after all. She quickly pings their cellphones that locate them in their loft. Roy checks and confirms that, while their cellphones are in their respective rooms in the loft, they are no where to be found in their home.

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she then turns her attention to tracking Malcolm Merlyn. They find Merlyn with his phone, smugly refusing to let them know where the Queen siblings were at, despite the gun Digg had pointed at his head. Merlyn leaves them with some cryptic words, “It’s part of their training. Oliver needs to learn how to protect the most important person to him while facing his greatest enemy.”

After a couple of hours of trying to decrypt Merlyn’s parting words, the only workable theory they could come up with was Lian Yu – that somehow, Merlyn managed to trap Oliver and Thea on Lian Yu.

It was worth a shot, everyone agreed. All they needed now was a way to get to the island.

Ray offers the use of his private plane and his pilot to get the team to Lian Yu.

The team finds the siblings, battered, cold and almost beaten to death, in the cockpit of the plane where Oliver set up camp when he ran to island after Tommy’s death. A steel pot with foul smelling herbs was hanging over an open fire pit.

“Oliver!” Felicity runs to where he was huddled over Thea.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” he murmurs groggily, his eyes barely open, “Thea, you can see her, right?”

But Thea was unconscious, so there was no response from her.

Thea had a fractured right forearm and Oliver had a bullet wound on his left shoulder, Felicity, Laurel and Ray tended to those first, before attending to the various wounds and gashes on Thea’s and Oliver’s bodies. Digg and Roy guarded the entrance of the cockpit.

“Got … him … back … to … his … prison,” Oliver whispers brokenly, “Barely.”

“Who?” Laurel frowns, looking to Felicity for answers.

“Slade Wilson,” Felicity responds in horror as she realises why Oliver and Thea were in this state, “Merlyn trapped Oliver and Thea here and let Slade lose!”

“… Other way around,” Oliver says, “He– waiting for us … Island … trap ….”

Felicity closes her eyes in shock and disbelief. How many times will Oliver Queen have to survive this island?

“Oliver, Oliver!” she shouts, “What were you injected with?”

“Poison … darts … in the bush … Tea … helps …” Oliver responds weakly.

“We’ll get you out of here,” she promises, running the back of her hand on Oliver’s jawline. She rushes to the steel pot over the fire and ladles the herby concoction in a metal cup. Laurel follows her and fills another cup. They scramble back to the Queen siblings, and Felicity lifts Oliver’s head with her hand as she forces him to drink the tea. Laurel does the same for Thea.

“Dream … like this dream,” Oliver smiles at Felicity before shutting his eyes and resting.

They decide to wait for Oliver and Thea to be well enough, conscious enough, to travel. They also did not know what traps Slade had laid on the island and did not want to add more risk to themselves, and to Oliver and Thea, by attempting to move their two injured friends.

They set themselves up with sleeping bags, food and drink that they brought with them on the plane. They take turns watching over Oliver and Thea, and guarding the cockpit entrance.

“Here,” Ray crouches down next to Felicity as she sits by the wall nearest to Oliver, handing her a fruit bar.

Felicity smiles in thanks as she grabs the bar from him, but sets it aside. Her gaze returns to Oliver and his battered face, watching for signs of disturbance and discomfort.

“Are you all right?” Ray asks.

She nods in response, “Just tired.”

“Why don’t you try to sleep for a bit?” Ray offers, “There’s enough of us to stand guard and monitor them.”

“I don’t think that will be possible,” she murmurs, her eyes falling on Oliver again.

“You care about him,” Ray says gently.

“He’s my friend,” Felicity responds.

Ray shakes his head at her, “He’s more than your friend, Felicity. He was the one who died, no?”

Felicity nods but doesn’t say anything.

“He’s alive. Why are you not with him?” Ray asks, “If Anna–”

“We’re not like you and Anna,” Felicity interrupts, “We were never together. Just a lot of maybes and words. There was never any promises between us. Just a lot of hoping on my part.”

“Hoping for what?”

“Everything,” she says quietly, “To be the one to stay for. To be the one to come back to. To be the choice to make.”

Felicity takes a deep breath and shakes off her maudlin thoughts, chuckling bitterly, “It was never anything, Ray. Don’t worry about it.”

Ray nods, and says, “I never stood a chance, didn’t I.”

Felicity remains quiet. To respond would have been cruel.

She moves to fill another cup of tea for Oliver.


	4. Part 4

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she was in charge of locating Malcolm Merlyn. She still works out of her offices at Palmer Industries or her townhouse, but her communications with Team Arrow has improved ever since their trip to Lian Yu. Even her conversations with Oliver were less stilted.

She doesn’t think they will ever go back to what they were, or they were not, but she takes it as a personal victory that all the resentment she has towards Oliver Queen no longer taints how they communicated. She no longer felt like some kind of jilted girlfriend whenever the topic of Oliver Queen came up. And it showed in her interactions with him.

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she locates Merlyn two weeks after they return to Starling City. She sends a text message to Digg to let the team know what she’s found, and to tell him that he was sending the details via email so that the team can decide what to do with the intel.

She’s surprised to see Thea Queen standing just outside her office that same evening.

“Thea!” she greets the younger woman, standing from behind her computers and motioning Thea in, “Is everything all right?”

“Ollie told me you found my fath– Malcolm Merlyn,” Thea says in a tentative voice as she steps into Felicity’s office.

“Yes, he’s in Hong Kong,” Felicity confirms, gesturing for Thea to take a seat in the bank of couches at the entrance of her office, “I guess, he thinks that the closer he is to Nanda Parbat, the less likely the League would find him.”

Thea nods distractedly as she walks towards the windows overlooking Starling City.

“Thea?” Felicity asks, taking a step towards the other woman, “Are you all right?”

“You must think of Ollie and me as the most foolish people on the planet,” Thea says in that matter-of-fact way she has, like she was challenging the person she was speaking with to prove her wrong, “You know, because we put our trust in my fa– in Malcolm Merlyn.”

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, and she knows exactly how it feels to want to believe in impossible things, her heart twinges for Thea Queen.

“No, I don’t think you are foolish, Thea,” Felicity states meeting Thea’s gaze head on.

“Why not?” Thea insists, “We both chose to believe in a mass murderer! You left Ollie’s team because of it! You broke– You left the team because you didn’t want to be part of the whole thing with my – with Merlyn! You were angry when Ollie chose to work with him! How does it feel to be right?”

“I didn’t want to be right,” Felicity admits in a low voice.

“Why not?”

“Because I really think you believed, you wanted to believe, that Merlyn loved you, Thea,” Felicity says, “And I could never fault anyone for wanting to believe to be loved.”

At Thea’s silence, Felicity continues, “My father left when I was six. No explanations, no reasons. He just left one day and never came back. Rationally, if he ever shows his face to me again, I’d like to think I’d be angry and bitter. But I know, if I had the chance to see him again, and he showed one iota of remorse and care towards me, I would want to believe him. I would want to believe that he hurt as much as I hurt when he left. That he cares about me. That he didn’t want to leave. I would want to believe the best of him because he’s still my dad. So, no, Thea, I don’t fault you for trusting your father. I just wish, for your sake, that he proved himself to be deserving of it.”

“He had me kill Sara! Then he left me and Ollie in that island!” Thea exclaims tearfully, “He left us there to be trapped and hunted down by Slade Wilson! He said that that was the final test of our skills! And I trusted him! I thought he was going to protect me – I thought he was my father! I thought he cared about me!”

Felicity advances toward Thea to pull her into her arms as the younger woman sobbed. She rubbed a hand up and down Thea’s back and murmured nonsensical sounds of comfort.

“I hate him,” Thea says after, wiping her tears and pulling herself out of Felicity’s arms.

Felicity nods in understanding before walking to her table and taking a box of tissues from her drawer. She hands it to Thea, “We’ll catch him.”

Thea nods in agreement and faces the window to regain her composure.

“And what of Ollie?” she asks.

“What about him?”

“Do you hate him? Do you think he’s foolish for trusting Malcolm?”

“I think, he was desperate. To protect you. To protect this city. From Ra’s Al Ghul,” Felicity responds, “He will stop at nothing to protect you and this city, Thea. I know that.”

“But do you hate him for it?” Thea insists, turning around to face Felicity.

Felicity meets Thea’s eyes in silence and finally speaks, “I did, a little. I don’t think he’s foolish. I think he was just desperate. Dying, or being that close to death – I suppose it changes a person. He just didn’t– It wasn’t the change I was expecting when he returned. I thought– I’d hoped for another way. I had hoped that Oliver– that he would have thought of another way than working with Merlyn. Because that went against everything I believed he stood for. And–”

“And you believed in him above everyone else,” Thea finishes for her, “You loved him above anyone else.”

Felicity looks down at her fingers that were rubbing themselves against each other. A habit that she assimilated from Oliver. Smiling sadly, she nods.

“He loves you, you know,” Thea says gently, “He dreamt about you on Lian Yu. He called your name in his sleep. Sometimes happily, sometimes with such sadness, sometimes in panic. He–”

“Thea,” Felicity interrupts, unable to handle the thought of Oliver dreaming about her, because it made her hope again. And she was done with hope when it came to Oliver Queen. “Please, it’s too late. Oliver and I – we were never going to work. He needs someone who can support the decisions he has to make. Who can stomach his decisions. Someone who could stand strong next to him. I’m too w– I’m not that strong. I’m not even a fighter, you know– I’m not–”

“You know what Oliver said when I asked about you? That you are the strongest, bravest woman he knows and will ever know,” Thea says.

It was time to put an end to this discussion, Felicity thinks. The hope that was springing in her heart would lead to more cracks in it. And she couldn’t afford to further crack her broken heart.

Before Felicity can say something cheeky or humorous to deny Thea’s words, Thea concludes, “Just think about it, OK? Just maybe think about giving him another chance?”

With the biggest, fakest smile that has ever appeared on Felicity’s face, she nods.


	5. Part 5 - End Chapter

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, and sometimes, she has the worst luck in the world, she finds herself trapped in the foundry with Oliver Queen.

She had begun working from the foundry again. Two nights a week. Her system and network in the foundry is incomparable to even what Palmer Technologies can afford her. And she has to admit, she’s somewhat possessive of her Arrow Cave set-up as she built it from the ground up. Or the chip up, more appropriately.

They have kept tabs on Malcolm Merlyn but have allowed him to think that they are unaware of where he is. They are waiting for the perfect opportunity to use him when Ra’s Al Ghul finally makes his plans for Starling City known. They’ve deliberately opted to have a wait-and-see attitude, and allow the other players to reveal their plans before they spring their traps and make their move.

In the meantime, things in Starling City were busy. A lot of Brick’s thugs remained in the wind, and the new Count Vertigo remained uncaught. There was more than enough work for the team and The Atom.

This afternoon, she was going in for a routine system upgrade. Oliver was replenishing his and Roy’s stash of arrows in the background. They were enjoying a somewhat comfortable silence that Felicity thought she could endure for only another half-hour more, when they heard sound of the foundry door being manually locked from outside.

“What’s going on?” Felicity asks, turning her chair around to face the doors.

Oliver stands up from the stool he was using as he sharpened arrowheads to walk up the stairs to check the main door, “It’s locked.”

Felicity goes to check the alley entrance door to come to the same conclusion.

Confused, she reaches for her bag to take her phone out.

“Dammit,” she murmurs, as she sees the message on her screen.

“What?” Oliver asks, heading back down the stairs.

“Thea sent a message an hour ago,” Felicity explains, “Apparently, there’s an emergency inspection from the health and sanitation department and she had to lock the doors from the outside and hide any sight of it from the inspectors. It looks like we’re stuck here until that’s over.”

“Let me try calling her to see how long it will last,” Oliver says, picking up his own phone.

“Speedy,” he greets as Thea answers her phone, “Felicity and I are in the foundry. Yeah, she just saw your message. I’m making arrows. I know I was supposed to be at Digg’s but Sara’s sick, so he rain-checked. I’m making arrows. Yeah. How long? You don’t know? All right. I think there’s water and some nutri-bars here. We’ll be fine. Yes. Yes. No, that’s not happening. That’s not possible. No, Thea! OK. Fine. See you later.”

“She has no idea how long the inspection will last, doesn’t she,” Felicity says after Oliver hangs up.

“They’re doing an inspection of the entire street, so even if they finish with Verdant soon, the inspectors will be in the area. Thea thinks it would be suspicious, if we appear from behind hidden doors. She’ll tell us when the coast is clear,” Oliver answers.

Felicity shrugs, “I’m sure it won’t take more than a couple of hours.”

“Yeah, hopefully,” Oliver responds turning back to his work station, “Uhhh, sorry, if you had plans this afternoon.”

“It’s not your fault,” Felicity says.

Look at us, she thinks to herself, acting all polite and nice. She gives herself a mental pat on her back.

“Are you hungry?” Oliver asks after about thirty minutes, “There’s some nutrition bars in the cupboard, and I can brew some coffee, if you want.”

“I’m a bit peckish,” Felicity admits, “Are the nutri-bars nut free? I have–”

“I know you’re allergic to nuts, Felicity,” Oliver says, heading towards the cupboard where the bars were stored, “Everything here is nut-free.”

“Oh,” Felicity murmurs, “I didn’t realise–”

“That I wouldn’t remember your allergy?” Oliver finishes with a bitter tone.

“It’s not something I’d expect anyone to remember,” Felicity frowns. What is his problem?

Oliver scoffs and murmurs something that she couldn’t hear.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Oliver says in a louder voice.

“No, what were you saying?” Felicity insists, walking towards him and grabbing his arm, “I want to know.”

He turns to face her, he snaps, “I know you don’t expect much from me, Felicity. But at the very least, I’d had hoped you can trust me enough to remember your food allergy.”

“Whaa–” she stammers as he turns around to grab some bars.

“Here,” he places several bars in her hands, “Enjoy.”

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, she couldn’t let things just go.

“Oliver!” she stomps her foot, “What is your problem?”

He sighs heavily, his back turned towards her, “Nothing. It’s not your problem to deal with.”

“Oliver,” she starts, stepping closer to him, reaching out hand towards his back.

“Don’t” he whispers before her hand could touch him, stepping away from her.

Her heart clenches at the thought of him rejecting her touch, of him stepping back from her. She remembers how he looked that night in the alley when she moved away from him as he stepped towards her. The brief flash of hurt and disappointment in his eyes.

Before she could say anything, he murmurs, “I’m sorry, Felicity. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

He shrugs and lets out a forced chuckle, “Maybe I just need a nap, you know. Patrol last night went for longer than usual, so didn’t get enough sleep.”

She debates whether or not to let him get away with it. She knows what Oliver is alluding to, she’s not stupid. She know she offended him by being surprised that he remembered her allergy to nuts. She didn’t mean to. She’s just convinced herself, quite successfully at that, that Oliver’s concern towards her was the cursory kind. The one he had for her when she was new to his team, or when she was just his Go To IT Girl in Queen Consolidated. Nothing really special.

She needed to convince herself of that. Because remembering how Oliver looked at her, how he told her he loved her, how he gently he touched her – it hurt. It hurt more to remember all of that with all the times she realised that no matter how much he looked at her with all the love in the world, he was never going to be hers. Because she was Felicity Smoak, and she will never be strong enough for Oliver Queen.

“Felicity?” As she battled with herself in her head, she didn’t realise that Oliver had turned back around to face her.

“It’s all right, Oliver,” she says quietly, “I understand. I’m sorry, if I offended you.”

“No, Felicity. I’m the one who’s offensive and horrible and a disappointment,” he insists, “I’m the one who hurt you.”

All of a sudden, they’re no longer talking about nutri-bars and nut allergies and expecting a friend to remember crucial things about a friend. If they were ever talking about that, Felicity admits to herself.

“Oliver–”

“Look, when I came back, I wanted to be different. I wanted us to be different,” he explains, “I wanted to be with you. To be the kind of man that you deserve, Felicity. But Ra’s killed me, and if I had stayed dead, then Thea would be safe. But I didn’t–”

“Did you want to stay dead then?” she interrupts in a loud voice.

“No! Of course not! I just knew that because I lived, Thea was at risk! I knew I had to defeat Ra’s! And there was no other way than to train with Malcolm!” he says, “I had no choice, Felicity. I knew you were not going to let me get away with it. I knew it would disappoint you – change how you looked at me. I knew after I told you, there was no chance you could ever love me. I just–”

He stops, so Felicity urges him, “You just what?”

“I just didn’t realise that that decision would disgust you so much that you wouldn’t even want to be loved by me,” he looks away from her.

Felicity sobs, “Oliver, I wasn’t disgusted, I wasn’t! I was disappointed! I thought I knew you, Oliver. Turns out, I didn’t. Not really. I didn’t want you to work with Merlyn because I know he would have put you in greater danger. He already had you killed! His actions have already resulted in your death! And I just got you back. You didn’t even give me more than five minutes to be happy to have you back. You were once again putting yourself in danger – and working with someone who already got you killed!”

“I can’t bear to have you die on me again, Oliver. I know how that feels now. You have no idea how–”

As the past few months, her grief over Oliver’s death, her devastation, her momentary relief and happiness at knowing he was alive, so quickly turned into dread, disappointment and despair at the idea that he was working with the man who got him killed in the first place, the holding pattern she kept for the weeks that followed, her worry for him and Thea in Lian Yu, her denial of everything he meant to her and everything she meant to him, everything that she had been holding on to, crashed all at once in her, Felicity gasps and falls into tears. Huge, heaving, heavy tears.

Oliver pulls her to him, crushing her into his chest in comfort as he murmurs, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” in repeat against her temple.

After, she finds herself on Oliver’s lap as he sits against the wall with his legs extended in front of him, his arms tight around her, and his face buried in her neck. She could feel the droplets of his tears in her jaw, neck and shoulders. He’s still muttering apologies in her skin, nuzzling every part of he could reach.

Because she’s Felicity Smoak, and he’s Oliver Queen, and there is no one else for her, really, she allows it – and smiles.

They are going to be just fine.

/end

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a spec fic for S3, after the “I don’t want to be a woman you love” scene. I wasn’t prepared to publish it then. Now, I am. 
> 
> Anyway, there’s angst here – but because I can’t stand non-happy endings, all the angst will lead to happiness.


End file.
